See the All Time Greatest (Vampire) Films, part 7

5) What we do in the shadows

This definitely deserved it’s ranking. Very strong if not a little silly. Film crew does a documentary of some vampires who live together going about their night proving that vampires are basically just like everyone else.

8) Vampyr (1932)

Hard to hear, plus everything was in German. It could hurt people to put in English subtitles at the very least?

30) Les Vampires (1915)

I sat through a 7 hour movie expecting to see vampires. This is a crime story. THERE ARE NO VAMPIRES IN THIS VAMPIRE FILM. IMDB come on!! And no, I was not impressed. I was incredibly bored though.

39) Daughters of Darkness

What the actual fuck with the constant rapes and the sadistic violence by the HUMAN? And what I think is homophobia? This does NOT belong in the top 40.

44) Dracula has risen from the grave

Slightly different movie but yet the same. That is one thing that Hammer was good for, most of them don’t fit the exact Dracula story. Of course one of the things I have always wondered about is how people are walking along ledges that are so connected, they can get from one part of town to the next? And how many minutes is Christopher Lee actually in these movies?

45) The Vampire Lovers (1970)

This is a Hammer film, but not in the Dracula series. Peter Cushing is present, but not as Van Helsing. Somewhat expectable routine.

56) Fright Night (2011)

I think the original was better despite having at least three actors I recognize. One guy was in Star Trek (RIP Anton), another in Scrubs (med school season), another in Doctor Who.

71) John Carpenter’s Vampires (1998)

Apparently this is the one I keep thinking is Near Dark and what I keep combining with From Dust til Dawn. Probably because it’s in the southwest. This is the one with the young priest and inappropriate slayer and the empty town out west.

81) Blade Trinity

This is literally the first time I have seen a blind character in a position as a geneticist and chemist. There was even a Braille keyboard. Ryan Reynolds played his usual type of character.

138) From Dusk Till Dawn 2 : Texas Blood Money

This had the longest “eclipse” I have ever seen. Twilight, by the way, way better vampire film.

See the All Time Greatest (Vampire) Films, part 6

11) From Dusk Til Dawn

This is the one with Cheech (from Cheech & Chong) and the bar in the middle of the desert. I always confuse this one and John Carpenter’s Vampires. Cheech’s speech, very funny. The rest of this movie? Not so much. Just because George Clooney is in a movie does not make it a top 20 film!

17) Vampire Hunter D

Evidence that things are better when one is younger. I saw this on the Scifi channel on their Saturday morning lineup. With all the sex, this should not be in a cartoon much less Saturday morning cartoon!

23) Fright Night 2

It’s about as campy as the first one, but when the vampires died, they were much more disgusting. Why would mealworms come out of someone’s stomach? Also they have a huge misunderstanding of what group hypnosis is!

26) Near Dark

OK despite the fact I kept saying I’d seen this, I definitely had not. This was a pack of nomadic vampires in the RV in Oklahoma. This was not as good as the other two that I kept thinking were this movie. I want to know what is the cause of the vampirism. Seriously.

32) Dracula Prince of Darkness

Some of the Hammer films don’t really seem all that decent anymore (they are 60 years old at this point!). The one good thing that they do have is that they are good with continuity of the character in how he is injured/killed or not and how that is fixed in the next film.

34) Blade II

Didn’t Underworld do this? Also why are the effects so bad? Where they on a budget? Though they did get Cat from Red Dwarf (Danny John-Jules) in it!

60) Dracula Untold

Actually quite good. Should be rated higher. Shows why he became a vampire. Spoiler… he hates the turks.

101) The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2

People rank this high because of the battle scene at the end, but Sundown had a better battle scene. I think my opinion of the entire series is that it’s basically fan fic. Carlisle is cute as heck though.

129) Dracula III: Legacy

So we see Dracula for a few minutes, we saw more of him when he was bound in Dracula II. You can tell they had to send this direct to video. It would not have brought in the money at the box office.

146) Bloodrayne 3: : The Third Reich

Also really dumb. How did these people get funding for an entire series of this?

See the All Time Greatest (Vampire) Films, part 5

2) Let the Right One In

Definitely not worth the place at number 2. I wouldn’t even place this in the top 50, maybe even not the top 100.

13) Only Lovers Left Alive

There was not much actual story in this. Left much to be desired. Why is this ranked so high?

15) I am Legend

I really really hate these type of vampire movies. I hate apocalypse movies of all forms. Now we also have vampire dogs.

19) Blade

This is rather bloody. I have a question… why do pure blooded vampires age??

22) Fright Night (1985)

Everyone knows this movie and I definitely think the original is better than the remake which was even more unbelievable than the OG. Generally a standard teen movie. The graphics were pretty decent for 1985, but that part doesn’t hold up super well. These teen movies always make me angry because no one believes the kid.

33) Brides of Dracula

This is a Hammer Dracula film literally without Dracula. I’ve seen it before and I am really never impressed by it. I think this is one of the worst of the Hammer films. Christopher Lee makes the series, not a half deranged vampire who was kept locked up by his mother.

80) Bloodlust: Subspecies III

Not as good as 2 as far as I am concerned

122) The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1

Still Fan Fiction. Does this series get better?

128) Dracula II: Ascension

Sequel to Dracula 2000, this was direct to video. The vampire does not even look the same. I did love the priest who was obviously Asian since that’s not something you see very often. 

149) Bloodrayne 2

Well that was dumb. I am so far not surprised. It was ranked 149.

See the All Time Greatest (Vampire) Films, part 4

10) The Horror of Dracula

Retelling… same old story for this one. The other Hammer films tend to be different.

27) A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night

Good idea, but still not in love with this. Love the idea of a vampire that attacks bad men. Despite the English name, this is not in English, so be prepared for subtitles. It is also in black and white. I think one has to understand the culture.

75) Bloodstone : Subspecies 2

I don’t know why the first subspecies movie is not listed, but 2 is my favourite of them. I am not really sure why. All subspecies movies pick up immediately after the last movie lets off. I think I appreciate the good vs evil in this movie and the emotions of the scared fledgling. I think I also like the actress who plays Michelle in this one more than in the original

117) Bitten (2008)

The lead character is a night shift paramedic. His partner is a stereotypical paramedic (raunchy, cursing, etc.). This is the first time in my life I am watching a vampire film and getting EMS flashbacks and critiquing how they are portraying. Stars the guy who plays Jay from “Jay and Silent Bob”

120) The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

Seriously. This is bad fan fiction.

123) Dracula 2000

Fairly bloody and unreasonable, but hey Jeri Ryan (Seven of Nine) is in it.

133) Vampire in Brooklyn

This should have been ranked higher. I saw this with an ex when it came out and I think I like it better now.

144) Against the Dark

Think a really bad version of “I am Legend.” What bothers me is that everyone seems to have a short wave radio. People seem to overestimate the accessibility of these. I say this as a someone with a ham license. Also, why are there so many vampires in this hospital? Seriously, the whole film is basically in a hospital. Also why the hell is everyone moving only at night?

147) Bloodrayne

I have no idea how or why this produced multiple sequels.

148) Dracula’s Curse

Why is their blood green? Are these Vulcan vampires? And yes, easy to tell why this was ranked so low.

See the All Time Greatest (Vampire) Films, part 3

3) Kolchak : The Night Stalker (film normally just called The Night Stalker)

This is a remarkably well known vampire film for a TV movie. It was listed in all the vampire books I own but it’s hard to track down. I caught it on youtube of all places when I was doing this list. I am still pretty amazed it ranked as high as it did. It’s very much a low budget 1970s TV movie. I guess I can say I’ve seen it?

7) Nosferatu the Vampyre

At least they admit that he is Dracula this time. Otherwise same old story.

29) The Last Man on Earth (1964)

These feel more like zombies than vampires as far as appearance and behaviour. I swear all this feels like Covid nowadays. And I did NOT like the ending. (Also yes I watched it in colour).

35) Underworld: Evolution

I did things a little out of order because of some reason Netflix didn’t have all four movies. This was definitely the better one of the series

40) 30 Days of Night

Vampires in Alaska. Great concept. That’s where I would move if I was a vampire. Not sure the execution is ideal. Coven of vampires attacks a town with a population of 183 people. Twilight had a much much better storyline and was much less gory. And this ending really really sucks on multiple levels.

90) The Little Vampire 

Kid’s movie. Probably would have altered the ending a little. The vampire cows were funny though.

91) Count Dracula (1970)

Seems to be a pretty traditional retelling of the book. But do they know the difference between German Shepherds and wolves? Me thinks not. Also the camera work is very dated.

127) Twilight Saga : New Moon

I swear to G-d all this is like some crazy Mary Sue type story. Seriously, why the heck is this so popular? Also, I’m #TeamJacob

136) 30 Days of Night: Dark Days

This is so much better than the first movie. Fun surprise was seeing Mia Kirschner as Lilith. Although major warning for the epileptics in the audience, there was a scene with a lot of flashing lights. Wish there was a warning for that.

150) Dracula Reborn (2015)

There were two movies by this name. It is my understanding that 2012 was ranked higher by IMDB, but for whatever reason was not on the list at all. This movie was very slow moving. It took an hour to get to Transylvania. AND THERE IS NO ENDING!

See the All Time Greatest (Vampire) Films, part 2

28) Shadow of the Vampire

A behind the scenes look, at the “real” Nosferatu movie. Why bother hiring an actor to play a vampire when you can hire an actual vampire? This movie was delightful and very funny.

43) Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

Someone needs to explain to me why this Viktor guy has such a burr up his butt throughout all the movies. I also do not understand why these movies are popular.

55) Underworld: Awakening

Really? Really, people?? Positive note is at least no Viktor.

63) Dark Shadows (2012)

I don’t think anyone liked the 2012 version of Dark Shadows. If you want to see a good Dark Shadows movie, I would recommend the original movie “House of Dark Shadows” (“Night of Dark Shadows” isn’t as good, no Barnabus)

65) Love at First Bite

It’s a little campy, but it’s pretty family friendly. As a hypnotist, I think the “you’re getting sleepier” scene is the funniest thing with Dracula and Rosenberg trying to hypnotize each other and the waiter collapsing.

69) Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat

Literally the first R rated film I ever watched. Basically, a bunch of vampires are living in the desert and living off fake blood. Of course there is a faction that is less than thrilled about this arrangement. And… there is a civil war. The battle at the end is very bloody, but the very very end is great for those who survived. Stars David Carradine and Bruce Campbell.

97) Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Before the TV show, they had the movie. While considered a box office flop, this ranked as my favourite movie for many many years (until “Interview with the Vampire”). The TV show is absolutely horrible in comparison.

102) Vampire Academy

MASSIVE WARNING ON UNNECESSARY ANIMAL DEATH. This is a pretty dumb movie about teenage vampires and their guardians. It’s mostly just BS high school non-sense. Was there a point to any of this?

103) Once Bitten

I’m telling you that I am not a Jim Carrey fan, and he plays the lead so differently than his later characters that it’s refreshing. It took years before I realized it was him. Once Bitten is a teen product of the 80s so lot of coercive sex attempts so not really PC nowadays.

112) Twilight (I) 

This is not a strong movie either. Does the series get better?

See the All Time Greatest (Vampire) Films, part 1

1) Nosferatu

This is the 1922 version. It doesn’t really hold a candle to the later films but this is a silent classic.

4) Interview with the Vampire

Having gone to it on opening night (and taking my friend and his 3 year old daughter), it to this day 30 years later remains one of my favourite vampire films. And actually one of my favourite films of all time. Admittedly, I didn’t think Tom Cruise was going to be ok in this role, but I think he did remarkably well. Brad Pitt, Christian Slater all knocked it out of the park. Kirsten Dunst was remarkably good as innocent Claudia. My only real complaint was the end. Now my favourite chapter in Queen of the Damned can’t happen. (In the book, Daniel the reporter wakes up in the room and then goes off to find Lestat but finds Armand and they have a weird relationship for 10-12 years.)

6) Dracula (1931)

The classic tale on which all others were based!

9) Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)

I saw this also when it just came out. I went with my father. First R rated film in a theater if I remember correctly. My grandmother wasn’t happy because she typically would pre-watch the shows. This was actually closer to the book than the typical earlier Dracula movies.

12) Lost Boys

Basically a brother trying to prevent his brother from becoming a full vampire by killing the head vampire. The best parts of this movie have always been the quotes especially from the Frog Brothers as well as Grandpa which have become quoted (somewhat incorrectly) in pop culture, such as “One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach, all the damn vampires” and earlier in the film “Read the TV Guide, you don’t need a TV.”

20) Hotel Transylvania

This was a remarkably cute movie. Produced by (and voiced by) Adam Sandler which I would have never guessed. Very cute, romantic coming of age story. Suitable for children (it’s animated)

24) The Monster Squad

I first watched this film when I was in I think elementary school when I was at my grandmother’s friend’s house in Blairsville Georgia. It was a flop in the theaters, but became a cult classic later. I liked it enough I got the VHS tape and I watched it several times. Not generally suitable for the youngest kids, it is PG-13. Discussions of sex and virginity, plus of course violence. Also some language issues. I heard that the actors who played the “monsters” actually tried to keep their distance from the kids and would only appear in makeup so the kids would remain scared of them.

25) Underworld

This is like if person who loved action movies but does likes neither vampire nor werewolves made a vampire/werewolf movie.

67) Son of Dracula

Starring Lon Chaney Jr this is a similar typical Dracula story, although this does have some differences of course.

98) Blacula

Have you ever watched a film and said “What did I just watch”? That’s Blacula for you. So was he turned because he asked to stop slavery. Wow Dracula was a douche. This was one of the blaxploitation films that there was a run of in the mid 20th century. Has some similarities to “Love at First Bite” which was made a few years later although it has a sadder ending. Why also is Blacula so animalistic while Dracula is always so elegant? Is this just like racism in the films or something?